The Betty Pages sprung out of some conversations Betty Desire a local drag queen and I were having in a gay bar. These editorials may be out of context now and were written for a local audience in the Bellingham area. but I am sure readers everywhere can make some sense of parts of them.

Reviewing a Year of My Ranting

June 2005

When Betty asked me about my anniversary column I was shocked it had been a year. Time really flies when you are having fun. And I have been having fun ranting at all of you about sex each month. Looking back at the columns I have written over the last year I like some still, and some Im not so sure about. But as a whole I think I have managed to spark some conversations around sex positive ideas. And I really want to thank you all for reading this far. I am sure that at times I have written about things that made you upset. And at times I have written about things that bored you. One way or another I want to thank you all for sticking with me so far.

If I can think of one thing I have hoped to get across this year it is the very idea of sex positive. I am not sure but believe the term was first coined by Dr. Carol Queen a writer and former sex worker in San Francisco. It is becoming a part of our lexicon as more and more activists and educators see the term describing the end result of the culture they want to help create.

So what exactly does it mean. Sex positive is used as an adjective to describe activities and attitudes that take a proactive approach to expressing a diverse range of sexual activities. Sex positive culture is the cross section of groups, organizations and communities that promote this ideal.

Sex positive invokes different misinterpretations in different audiences. In Some circles of the gay community the word positive reminds people about HIV, the word positive actually having a negative connotations about being sick. Once in a while this confusion means someone who could get some real benefit from a sex positive event avoiding it because they think its only for those who are infected with aids. Odd how our language diverges on the use of the same word. In some other circles the use of the word sex immediately makes people assume that all events and groups espouse indiscriminate copulation. In fact while some groups do promote sex with more than one partner or different relationship structures than monogamy, very few sex positive events or groups promote willy nilly sex with anyone and everyone.

Sex positive is about education. I have written about this once before in our back to school issue. At no time in our history has there been this many resources to help you learn how to experience the best sex of your life. While many people still rely on porn and past lovers to teach them how to have sex. people in the sex positive movement take classes, read books, and participate in workshops on how to get the most out of whatever way you choose to have sex.

Sex positive is about healthy communities. With the growth of the internet there are more and more people finding out it is OK to be different in how we celebrate our sexuality. They are also finding out they are not the "only one" who has their particular kink or bent. Swing clubs used to be reserved for large progressive urban areas, now there is a swing club in Whatcom County as well as a couple of less formal gatherings around town. BDSM groups have exploded all over the country.

Sex positive is about accepting diversity. It is one thing to go after what turns you on with gusto, but sex positive culture promotes an ethic of also accepting that others may have a completely different way to explore their sexuality. Thios is one of the largest pitfalls of the entire movement. Shame quite often gets to the best of us and it is really tempting to find a scapegoat to be better than.

Sex positive is about ethics. Quite often we confuse ethics with morals in our society. Ethics are the rules you live by. You think them through and decide on them in a rational way. They are the rules that let you look into your own face in the mirror and be proud. morals are the rules your neighbor wants you to live by so he will feel more comfortable. Think about your sexuality and relationships, create your own ethic and live by it.

More than anything else sex positive is about getting as much as you can out of your sex life. This is not a dress rehearsal so why not get the most our of something that we desire and enjoy so much.

One last thing, the sex positive community sometimes isolates itself in a bubble of acceptance. There will be times when moralists will try to legislate restrictions on others sexuality. It is important that this movement be ready to fight for its right to self expression in any way that does not harm others.