The Betty Pages sprung out of some conversations Betty Desire a local drag queen and I were having in a gay bar. These editorials may be out of context now and were written for a local audience in the Bellingham area. but I am sure readers everywhere can make some sense of parts of them.

Back to "Sex" School

September 2004

One of my partners runs a business in Vancouver in which she promotes adult sex education. The question once posed to me was why? Is the market really that large for adults who have no clue about what goes into where? Isn't this taught in Middle School? The real answer is no and no. Except for rare religious sects in Germany, most folks on this planet can figure out the tab A, slot B parts of sex. The education comes in when you want more than just tab A, slot B, make a baby sex. I've never taken a poll but I guess almost all of the sex going on out there right now has nothing to do with procreation in the minds of the perpetrators. The participants are doing it because they want to feel some experience they enjoy.

The gap between what people want to do with their sex lives and what they do is huge. Whenever I get someone engaged enough in honest conversation I am amazed at what they imagine their sex lives could be and what they actually do. There are two things missing that keep them from bridging this grand canyon of desire, permission and knowledge. Giving themselves permission to experience things they really want is controlled in large part by fear. Knowledge is the surest way to alleviate fear.

So where in fact do you learn how to do this well? How do you know if a potential partner is qualified or has any skills whatsoever? In the United States, most sex education comes from advertising, movies, and former lovers. Let's start with that last one. Most of your hands on experience with sex is with former lovers, people who you dumped or dumped you. Either you had bad taste in choosing them or they had poor judgment in picking on you. The same goes for that hottie down the bar you got your eye on. Everything they know about sex they learned from people who now have restraining orders against them. When you think of that, they start to look less skilled. Depending on your fantasies maybe even dangerous.

The other place we get a lot of our sex education is from our peers. Heres a secret, not everything your peers tell you is completely honest. Sometimes they tell you things to impress you, sometimes they keep secrets from you. Best case scenario when something is as charged as sex you're getting 75% of the true story. More than likely it did actually hurt a lot and they liked it that way.

Movies whether they are censored or not have an ulterior motive when it comes to sex. They use it to sell tickets and videos. They do not have any desire, motivation or regulations stating that they have to be realistic about sex. In fact they have an incentive to falsify sexual portrayals so you will watch more movies instead of having sex. They want to make you feel like your sex will never be as good as what you see on screen. This generalization goes for porn as well as mainstream cinema. The actors are doing what a director tells them to. What you see on screen is a mix of marketing, and one persons fantasy played out by unrealistic victims of too much plastic surgery.

Advertisers, use sex to control and manipulate your actions. These efforts have an influence on most peoples sexuality. But be sure that your sexual fulfillment never crossed their minds. Advertisers have one interest and one interest only. It is not your orgasm, your cock, your cunt or your other erogenous zones, its your money. More than likely even if you have a fetish for money it does not involve giving it to strange white men who run corporations. It probably involves getting it and keeping it. If you have a fetish for giving money to strange white men, I got a suit and I'll rent an office where we can play.

So go learn. Learn from people who are not future dumpers, restrainers, stalkers or dumpees. Learn from experts who study and teach sex as a vocation. More than likely you will not find them in the Yellow Pages or Western's catalog. You have to seek these people out. Find small workshops put on by support groups and grass roots organizations in your area. Find books by people who want to teach this stuff. And if you have to as a last resort use the internet. The internet is most people first choice because its so anonymous. But remember, most things posted on the internet never had an editor read them, or a legal department or a medical staff. Be very careful about who you choose to believe in a chat room or a message board. One way or another you have to be the seeker here. Your sex life is as individual as your fingerprints and no standardized government mandated curriculum is going to do. In fact the government's primary reason for educating you is so it can collect more taxes. So far it hasn't figured out how to tax the quality of your sex life.

No matter what you do think about the fact that your sex life is probably one of the most important and possibly most satisfying things in your life. Go read the fucking manual. It's the best way to be sure you squeeze the last juicy drop out of it. Now is a good time to think about it while everyone is heading back to school go find some education about something that matters to you.